Unveiling the Tragic Reality of Uxoricides in Madrid
For five years, I delved into the lives of every woman killed by their male partners or ex-partners in the Community of Madrid between 1999 and 2020. These 132 cases of uxoricides, derived from the Latin word uxor meaning wife, represent the violent deaths of specific women – “Mine”, “my property”. I traced the footsteps of these women who should still be alive: I read what was said about them and sketched the essence of what transpired. Giving a face to what was once just a statistic allows their stories to exist. Each of these 132 murders paints a path for us to be moved, to identify, and to react.
Recognizing the Signs of Domestic Violence
While I am not an expert in gender-based violence, investigating these deaths and uncovering patterns led me to compile a list of signals that could help any woman see herself reflected. It is possible for a woman to recognize these signs as part of her life without identifying them as domestic violence, let alone considering it could lead to murder. Shockingly, one of the most disturbing facts is that 35% of these women had not experienced abuse until their murder.
1. Intolerance and Control
- Erika L. B. A.’s partner was terribly jealous, controlling her every move, isolating her from friends and family, and dictating how she should dress and behave.
- Rabia M. was locked in a room by her partner, cutting her off from the outside world.
2. The Privilege of Being a Man
- Manuela S. A. A. was murdered by her husband after 43 years of living together, reflecting a belief in separate rules for men and women.
- In 66% of cases, the abuser believes in traditional gender roles, reinforcing social acceptance of male dominance.
3. She is an Extension of Him
- María Luisa R. G. was killed by her ex-partner who saw her as an extension of himself and refused to leave the house after their separation.
- In such cases, the abuser often creates dependency to make the woman feel guilty for leaving.
4. Discrediting Her Sanity
- Abusers often try to discredit their victims by portraying them as mentally unstable to control or silence them.
- Some go to extreme lengths, like staging the crime as a suicide, as in the case of Sonia E. M.
5. Blaming Her for Disproportionate Reactions
- Concepción E. M. was murdered in front of her daughter after a minor argument, where her partner shifted the blame onto her.
- Victims often try to avoid conflict, constantly walking on eggshells to prevent outbursts of violence.
6. From Charm to Contempt
- There is often a gradual deterioration in how abusers treat their partners, leading to confusion and disbelief on the victim’s part.
- Many women justify the change in behavior, remembering the initial charm and affection.
7. Social Charmer, Private Abuser
- Some abusers present a charming facade in public while revealing their violent tendencies in private.
- Victims find it hard to leave due to feelings of indebtedness and the abuser’s manipulation of their social circle.
8. Misunderstood and Vulnerable
- Abusers often target individuals in vulnerable situations or with misunderstood lives, like Laura T. D. who was killed by a partner struggling with addiction.
- Victims rarely disclose abuse to avoid societal judgment.
9. Blaming Alcohol for Violence
- Many abusers justify their actions by blaming drugs and alcohol, using them as triggers for violence.
- Alcohol is not the cause but rather an excuse for their behavior.
10. “Till Death Do Us Part”
- Over 10% of the women I investigated were killed by their partners during the separation process, even without prior violence or abuse.
- This macabre extension of the marriage vow provides a twisted justification for rejecting a woman’s autonomy.
Conclusion
These stories of uxoricides in Madrid shed light on the insidious nature of domestic violence and the tragic consequences that result from toxic relationships. By recognizing the warning signs and patterns, we can empower women to seek help and break free from the cycle of abuse before it’s too late.